Tales from the Tardis

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Not just a missing T....

..........those of you without eagle eyes will need to enlarge this photo to see what is missing. It was taken in St Ives last month and is of Mathew's cottage.

Something jars about Mathew without the second T but that is as nothing without Matthew at all.

Where am I 13 months on? A few words in a blog run the risk of superficiality but I will run it nonetheless. So here goes:
  • everything is changed and for ever
  • there is always the unexpected round the corner: whether it be more tears or a knock at the door and more cake!
  • I am learning slowly I have to leave alone what I cannot fix for Teapot and Mrs FLN: there are no magic words
  • I feel the sufferings of others more keenly: those around me who suffer loss or pain or the threat of illness and those who make the news
  • I still have 2 sons
  • I still have FLN's texts on my mobile phone
  • death is demonic and I have to resist a theology that tries to argue otherwise by however subtly trying to say it is part of God's purpose
  • the suffering which God entered into at the cross for his Son teaches me that I only dip my toe into something He shares even if He does not explain it all
  • friendships become welded and forged as never before
  • it is harder to be outgoing and make the first move in a conversation with those I am not as close with
  • we need more worship songs which fit the brokenness of loss and grief
  • I still laugh and enjoy the things that have always been special: a day at the cricket, a meal with friends, a walk in the hills, holidays with Teapot to mention just a few
  • the intensity of life: at home and at work can touch the overwhelming

what will I say another 12 month's on....?

posted by timelord in the tardis at 8:51 pm

4 Comments:

  • You will say I still miss him. Just like me.
    A part of the both of us, made in a secret place, and grown in a miraculous way, bone and flesh,gone forever.
    No we will never be the same.

    By Blogger Teapot, at 3:26 pm  

  • There are a million words I want to say to you and Teapot, but I can't find one? 13 months on and it still feels like last week in someways.

    As I said in teapots blog I really wish I could heal broke hearts, but that just isn't possible for me, we are here for you, as friends and people who genuinly care.

    By Blogger D Baynham, at 11:21 am  

  • Even though they may feel somehow superficial, your list revealed that grief's affect is not unique. I am not strange. As you and Viv share your struggle, God is revealing buried and hidden pains of my own.

    Paul says we are to care for others as God has cared us. Odd as it may seem, you and Viv are the first people who have done so for me.

    Thank you for taking the risk of sharing your hearts.

    By Blogger Ethnoquest, at 7:09 pm  

  • A blog is so black-n-white and wanting when trying to express the depth of ache and inner pain. Whilst we try to cope with our own grief we are torn by that of others - and in our inadequacy and stubbling sometimes fail so brutally to help often even when we seek to give our best. Oh the blessing and curse of language, it all its froms.

    By Blogger purple pippin, at 9:05 am  

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